1. My new mobile phone is so ridiculously impractical it is surely a joke. A very beautiful joke, but nevertheless a complete pain to use.
2. Earlier, I flippantly remarked “there is as much fat in a cup of tea as there is in a chocolate”. Five middle-aged women simultaneously screamed “What?????” and nobody has made any tea all day.
3. “Glass blocks have just arrived in reception.” Eh?
4. Wham’s “Last Christmas” is not the cheerful song I assumed it to be. It sounds Christmassy, it has bells in it, they play it at school discos – it gives every illusion of being jolly. But I accidentally listened to the words in a shop the other day. “Last Christmas I gave you my heart/The very next day you gave it away” – that’s just horrible, and in medical terms extremely unhygienic.
5. I’m dying for a cup of tea.
