What's important to you

You, our dear readers, occupy at least some of our thoughts while writing entries. Perhaps ten percent, on a bad day; as much as ninety on a sun-shining, birds-singing day. Today is not one of those days – dreary, the sky the colour of bald linoleum – but I thought I’d buck the winter trend by thinking about what is important to you.

The answers, gathered scientifically by looking at what people were searching for when they found the site, is that you are interested in the Uncertainty Division, and you are interested in porn. Specifically Harry Potter porn.

In fact, you’re more interested in Harry Potter porn than in us (137 hits to 128), providing that we assume “Harry Potter porn” and “Hermione porn” are all really after the same thing. I certainly hope that no one came here looking for “Hagrid porn”; for a start, they’d have been sorely disappointed, and for a second they’re just sick.

Anyway, I’d just like to let you know that we’ve taken on board your interests. However we can’t act further until we know what sort of porn you want Ms Grainger to perform. We’ll be watching the search referrals carefully – as well as looking out for the most popular person to portray Hermione in this new venture. Currently the front runner is James Lark, but Jeff Goldblum isn’t far behind, with a small but dedicated contingent seemingly interested in a Hermione/The Fly crossover …

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