Something exciting has happened to the front page of the Uncertainty Division website and I think it’s fair to assume that James Aylett has been getting all photoshoppy.

James has clearly decided to combine photographs which he feels illustrate exactly how uncertain the outcome of our improvised narratives can be. As a montage I would say that it does this very effectively, but it has the unfortunate side-effect of prominently displaying a particularly unflattering photograph of myself, tea-towel on my head and Ali Glennon in my mouth.

Visitors to our website may be surprised to learn that I am actually not unattractive to look at – indeed, in the last fortnight alone I have had not one but two text messages from people I didn’t know telling me they thought I was “cute”/”fit”. (Anyone wishing to know the outcome of said text messages can email me privately.) (And does anybody know who has been making free with my phone number?)

But glancing through the photographs from last year’s show, it is evident that none of them were taken to showcase my looks. Perhaps I did too many comedy facial expressions, because generally I look much more like a character actor (specialising in Dickensian grotesques) than a young male lead.

Then again, nobody comes off particularly well in those photos. The pictures of Phil Stott are a veritable collage of different ways to gurn; for a man of great bearded gravitas, Andrew Ormerod comes out of many of his photos looking extremely silly; and in one picture, Ali Glennon doesn’t have any eyes.

In fact, the only person who comes out mostly unscathed is James Aylett himself. History, as they say, is written by the winners. Or in the 21st century, by the people who run the websites.

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