In this office I’m in which I’m getting increasingly narked off with all round, people keep talking about REEsearch. We have REEsearch assistants and REEsearch laboratories and of course what they mean to say is reSEARCH, but everyone’s been so corrupted by Yankeeisms that they haven’t got a clue how to pronounce half of our words any more. Michael Crawford used to get an automatic laugh in Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em by mispronouncing the word “harass” (with the emphasis on the “ass” rather than the “har”) – but when I hear REEsearch it has the opposite effect of making me want to cry. In any case, thanks to Frank Spencer nobody knows how to pronounce “harass” either, to the extent that some dictionaries now even advise the wrong pronunciation.

Okay, British comedy can take the blame for “harass,” but REEsearch is most definitely the fault of the Americans, what with all their funding and REEsearch opporTOONities and their fascist government being all antEYE stem cell REEsearch. It’s bad enough that they want to drop bombs all over the place, they might at least draw the line at corrupting our words.

I’m not one for being pointlessly patriotic – but at least I know how to pronounce patriotic.

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