I had a horrendous dream that we were doing Impromime and Andrew Ormerod suddenly decided during the get-in that he wanted a random housemate of his called John to have a go at being the dame. (John had black-rimmed glasses and blond floppy hair and I do not think he exists in real life. Do correct me if I’m wrong.)

John had a big, camp personality so I could see why Andrew wanted to try him out as the dame, though I was infuriated because it was my turn. In any case, once John got on stage he became all shy and reserved and didn’t speak nearly loud enough to be heard. I kept shouting “louder!” at him, but Andrew Pontzen thought I meant him so he kept turning up the volume on the piano, which obviously made the situation worse.

Finally I made John stop and, to show I wasn’t the only creative director with ideas for new dames, I asked Sylvester McCoy if he wanted to have a go at being the dame.

Sylvester McCoy was incredibly funny and we laughed and laughed and laughed, but unfortunately we felt that he wasn’t really playing by the rules of narrative so we promised him a chance to work on it in rehearsals and I got to be the dame after all.

It all felt so real

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