Pimping Adam and inseminating cows

Oh, that I had more time to blog about my frolics at the Fringe. I might even be able to relate the story which led to me declaring “Pond, will you stop pimping Adam!”

Okay, it’s quite simple really, Pond was offering a random girl a large sum of money (in cash) to sleep with Adam Kay, who was so scared that he very convincingly made a sustained pretence at being gay.

It really has been incredibly hard work all round – yes! unbelievable, doing a one-man show for the entire Fringe is hard work…! But it seems to be going well and thanks to a timely review my audiences are on the up. And last night I sang probably the most unexpected improvised love song of my career.

If you haven’t seen the show, what happens is this: I take one audience member and, in character, go on a “speed date” with them, which climaxes with a love song made up on the spot based on what they have told me.

Sometimes people try to be funny and tell me things that aren’t strictly true. This usually makes my life difficult.

So when a woman got up on stage last night and told me what she did was artificial insemination, my heart sank and I thought “not another…”

Only, when I looked at her, she seemed to have an honest and quite serious face. She was a middle-aged woman with children in the audience and, after a little probing, gave me quite a detailed description of how to artificially inseminate a cow.

Turns out she was telling the truth after all.

So I sang her a love song about artificial insemination, in which I managed to rhyme the word “impinge” with “syringe”.

It was a good show.

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