I might have made a few mentions of Ambassador Property Management, the people who “look after” 2 Victoria Street in Cambridge and for the last two years have literally allowed myself, Chris and Alastair to drown in our own shit, whilst metaphorically screwing us with our pants on.
Last week the three of us finally said goodbye to Victoria Street, as I took up residence in Bedford and Chris and Alastair moved into a house less likely to spew excrement. And so we also said a sad farewell to all the lovely folk at Ambassador, in particular a man called Graham who seems to have been behind most of the screwing.
Perhaps we should have predicted that he wouldn’t be able to resist slipping out his metaphorical cock and giving us a sneaky last screw as we walked out of the door. As indeed he did. When Graham begrudgingly wrote us each a cheque for the return of our deposits (in full, because try as they might they couldn’t find anything to blame us for), he apparently decided to deduct the sum of £36.11 to cover the cost of transferring the money into their bank account.
To cover the cost of transferring the money into their bank account!!!
I mean – WHAT????? Is that legal? Does it even make sense? Is it one of the costs listed on their website? No it bloody isn’t.
The fact that it’s such a relatively piffling amount doesn’t make it any less infuriating, because it is clearly Graham saying “I can still screw you with your pants on, even if I can’t get my dick in very far this time” – and I have spend the best part of today seething with rage at this arbitary and entirely questionable charge.
Though it occurs to me that since I am no longer reliant on Ambassador for a place to live, there is nothing stopping me from popping in there when I’m next in Cambridge and, if not actually screwing them with their pants on, giving them a demonstration of how it feels to have shit sluiced all over you. So if any of the lovely folk at Ambassador are reading (as I believe some of them have taken to doing, presumably on the look out for something libellous – sorry guys, it’s all undeniably accurate), you can expect a visit from me some time in the next few weeks and you might want to bring a change of clothes to work with you.
Or alternatively write me a fricking cheque for £36.11…