In a word, aaargh.

I’ve been visiting opticians regularly since 1987 and until today I thought I knew all their little tricks. The machinery has gradually got more hi-tec looking and they have over the years added in tests to measure the curvature of your eyes and the like, but basically it’s still about reading letters in the distance.

So there I was at the optician’s this afternoon, going through the usual exercises and thinking I knew exactly what was coming next, when the optician said “just put your chin on the rest a moment, I’m going to turn your eyelids inside out.”

And before I could say “you’re going to WHAT?????” or even think of protesting “you’re doing no such thing, they didn’t need to turn my eyelids inside out in 1987 and you’re not about to start” she had her fingers inside my eyelids and was inserting the eyelid equivalent of a shoehorn to flip them inside out.

So I sat there with inside out eyelids. I haven’t even checked to see if she put them back afterwards. I certainly didn’t have the nerve to ask her why she felt the need to turn my eyelids inside out, and I’m worried that it’s a joke that opticians play on people just because they can.

In the meantime, I think I’m traumatised for life.

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