Author: James Aylett

Ugly woman blames everyone else for her success.

Honestly – she’s wildly successful (more wildly than she deserves), but giving her an Emmy is just taking the piss. Let’s ignore for a moment the suggestion that Sex And The City is a comedy (possibly it was once; by the end it’s just Light Entertainment, but of course there’s no category for that and she’d never have beaten Allison Janney in the real drama stakes …). It’s just going to encourage her to do more acting, which is the last thing we want.

There’s a ray of hope, though: in her speech she said “This is great punctuation for the end of a long sentence … a glorious finish to a journey of a lifetime.” So maybe she’ll just stay put now and pop out a few Broderickettes.

So Tony Blair has stood up and said that global warming is having serious effects on the planet. Nice of him to notice – I think the rest of us got there a couple of years ago. Or is it just that Cherie has been buying houses in cities close to sea-level, and has made it clear that if they’re swept away in floods there’ll be no more sex for Tony?

I feel cooler already.

So called. People use it to show that actually they’re too clever to call something what everyone else calls it. People who use it come across either as arrogant twats, or as stupid twats. Either way can’t be good for them.

If it is so called, call it that. Then shut up.

The Friday Project, partly because of its general wit and charm (in the form of The Friday Thing), partly because London By London lends the impression that the capital is largely inhabited by attractive young women, and not even slightly in the hope that we’ll get a reciprocal link out of it.

Or does this page make no sense whatsoever? Foam guitar? Holiday spot? Oh, it’s all too much. I’m going to bed.

He told me to buy more porn. I’m not sure that his father would approve.

Just got a spam that told me to “Stop paying for pay per view movies”. Seems very wise – I’ll make a point of not doing so in future, and think of the spammer when I do.

Is it me, or is the poster for the new Harry Potter film just wizard porn?

“You know you want it”, says Hermione. “I’m not sure I do!” gasps Ron.

Harry’s just upset because Hermione never goes all evil witch when he’s around. Plus, his glasses are bigger than last time – he’s going blind, and we all know what that means.

1997 Jeff Goldblum looks a little like Hugh Jackman in X-Men. Maybe Tony could improve his image by having plastic surgery to look like Halle Berry?

Today I had my first driving lesson; well, my first in about ten years, since my last abortive attempt to pass my test. It was very weird; I started off remembering almost nothing except something vague about mirrors and trying not to run over cyclists. By the end of two hours I was reasonably comfortable again, not actually getting everything right, but at least not getting everything wrong.

And I like my instructor this time. Last time, back when I was tiny and cars didn’t come in so many shiny colours, I had a middle-aged woman who never really gave me much confidence in myself, which was one of the reasons I failed (that and boxing in a terrified learner who didn’t understand Salisbury’s strange one way system).

So … that seems to be going quite well. Perhaps not as exciting as an intensive course, but then I think enough people I know have done one of them anyway – it’s time for someone to learn properly.