“Hello. You probably need reminding that my mother was Prime Minister once, for
ages and ages, and nobody liked her very much. How different things are now! I’d like to start by agreeing with David, because he’s a Conservative and I probably should agree with Conservatives or they’ll take away my badge; then I’d like to agree with Ed because I think the Lib Dems might be getting important and if I’m nice to them maybe I won’t have to go to a jungle to get on TV in future.
“I remember something about Coventry which no one else does, and I find it funny. It’s okay, you don’t have to laugh; I’ve learned to be tolerant of people who aren’t me and my mother.
“I’m going to ignore anything that Steve has said completely, because I don’t read the Independent, and anyway he’s a journalist and uses far too long words for me. Lord Falconer scares me slightly – no, don’t look at me, you’re frightening. Why couldn’t you have sat at the other end of the table?
“In conclusion, I’d like everyone to remember who I am and perhaps to laugh when I speak, and if anyone knows a good stylist, I’m running out of weirdly-coloured jackets.”