I wish I could see what folks see in me but I can't

Instead of addressing any of the million things waiting for me to do this weekend, I became increasingly obsessed by an idea I’d had for a duet between my alter-ego Deon Vonniget and the bastard offspring of children’s entertainer Keith Harris, Orville the duck.

This was mainly because I thought it would be funny to pair “Orville and Deon” on account of it sounding a tiny bit like a famous ice-skating duo. But during my research for the song, which involved listening to I Wish I Could Fly twice in a row, I developed a (probably fairly rational) hatred of the duck. It dawned on me that this sickly-sweet, horrifically ugly yet wannabe cutesy, totally uncharming, unironic and unfunny puppet has no redeeming features whatsoever. And yet Orville was definitely present throughout my childhood and I can’t help wondering if I’ve been damaged in some way.

So what started off as a project based on a single misguided pun became a mission of pure hatred and I would not sleep easy until I had done something to express my pure loathing for the duck thing.

You can hear the fruits of my labour – if you could really call them fruits – here.

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